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Self​-​Medication

by Soloman Crowe

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1.
There's a party going on upstairs, everyone's on drugs I think this thing is called a brain though I don't know what it does. This never ending he said she said bullshit is a bore. And I keep on forgetting what the fuck I came here for. I know there's more to life than this I can feel it in my veins. Or maybe that's just crystal meth and these never ending days. I'm damn near out of cigarettes, I'm running low on friends. The voices in my head are fucking arguing again. So I will never call again. But can we still pretend? That I survived, a little part of me, this self inflicted tragedy. The possibility there could be more to me than the villain I turned out to be. I lost my train of thought again, emotions going numb. I think the thought I'm thinking of had something to do with love. And how I'm not wired properly to acquire such a thing. Cuz every time I try I fucking ruin everything. And I'm so sick and fucking tired, of these self destructive pages. I have always been an addict, my drug of choice is conversation. But all my thoughts collide at once it's hard to focus in. And that's about the time I go and fuck things up again.
2.
My heart dont work like it used to baby. Its broken beyond repair. I want to love you baby, but my heart wont take me there. How lonely you must be baby. Lying next to me. I wanna love you baby, but maybe loves not meant for me.
3.
Soloman: Its been a long time coming, I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell. I tried to be a good man, that didn't go over well. Benny: I stole me this guitar, and I'm known to play it well. If you wanna touch my guitar, you better say Oh Well. Cuz if you wanna touch this guitar, you gotta come find me in hell. Both: Its been a long time coming, now everybody is going to hell. I've heard it's quite nice once you get over the smell. Its been a long time coming, I'll see you motherfuckers in hell.
4.
Left Unsaid 04:00
I wear this armor made of paper I load my guns with graphite led. I've been at war with this eraser Filling the graveyards with words better left unsaid. Most pages of this stories missing There's not enough here to comprehend. And the dead don't speak but they sure do listen With words left unspoken, they speak of how this story will end. I think there's been a system failure There is a virus in my code. And I must be some kind of freak of nature. I don't belong here, extra-terrestrial soul. I wanna go home Im letting go, So let me go, Just let me go, I wanna go home. Theres something wrong with me, I feel something broken inside There's something wrong with me, I feel something missing inside. I dont know why I am this way. I wear this armor made of paper I bleed black ink and graphite led. I've learned to love this damn eraser. Here in this graveyard with words better left unsaid. All these things I wish I would have said.
5.
I walk around eyes looking down you ask me why baby why do you cry, is there a reason? i say ive got a lonely heart. i walk around, head in the clouds you ask me why baby why dont you try? i dont have a reason. i wouldnt know where to start. when did the fire burn out, when did i lose my way? it seems the trail went cold, i guess things happen that way if i dont make it out alive could i say that today is one hell of a day to die and if i dont find a way to survive would i have any regrets, would i care enough to try and leave something behind to be remembered by. oh lately theyre teliin me im not the same person i used to be i lost my ambition. i think id have to agree. cuz i find it hard to be a part of anything i just cannot seem to care no inspiration. its up and run away from me
6.
Old Man Grim 05:54
I took a walk with old man grim one frozen moonlit eve. My boy you're dead inside, he said. A gift to you from me. Boy youll be fine. Dont be a little bitch. This is what you wanted, you asked for this. He took my hand and bowed his head. and left me on my own. To explore the empty parts of me. That used to be my soul. So take my hand and walk with me. Lets see what we can find. And on this frozen moonlit eve. Youll find youre dead inside.
7.
Pretty Eyes 04:53
Hey there pretty eyes why do you look so sad you dont have to walk alone I'm here to hold your hand. Nothing in this world could stop me loving you. Hey there pretty eyes everybody gets scared, its okay to ask for help ill be the first one there. Id go to hell and back for you. You are not alone in this great big world My heart is yours to keep. No amount of money, diamonds, or pearls could ever take you from me. cuz i love you, so ive got you wrapped up tight and safe inside my soul. so ease your troubled mind pretty eyes, and let those worries go hey there pretty eyes its okay to cry even the best fall down sometimes. its not the end of the road. hey there pretty eyes i fucking love the way you smile its the little things in life that make living this life worth while. its the little things that mean the most.
8.
I think im doin okay but please dont hold your breath i have been here before, if your looking for more, im sorry theres nothing left. but ill be better next time, atleast i promise to try. Ive got plans ive got dreams, for a moment it seems everything is alright. but then i fall thought the floor and i crash into the wall. i feel good for a while, then i forget how to smile, im not okay after all. so heres to self medication, heres to self mutilation old scars and new tattoos, nothing to gain nothing to lose. im not okay, but ill be alright. i wrote a suicide note, and turned it into a song. ive written hundreds of poems and im just letting you know i plan on burning them all. I drew a picture of god, on my wrist with a knife. I jumped off of the roof desperately trying to prove i could learn how to fly. i think im doin okay, i think ill make it this time. but if i dont make it home, i just want you to know, i kept my promise to try.
9.
today is the day i die, i see a burning light and i know im going home. ive walked a million miles, and ive seen a million smiles but i know its time to go. and i sure am gonna miss you my dearest friend and i hope to see you again. today is the day i die, ive got to pay for these sins of mine i pray they let me stay but if those gates dont open up for me, ill make my way down to the fire deep ill stay, until my debts been paid. how could god forgive me for the things ive done. oh my soul is a wicked one.
10.
Work of Art 03:08
well words dont come real easy to me ive got a head full of ideas always incomplete and the doctor says theres something wrong with me Im not a masterpiece but despite all the flaws in my personality the never ending battle to give up on my sanity relapse threatening to take away everything i still believe that the dimmest light shines brightest in the dark and the greatest stories ever told come from broken bones and scars beautiful songs come from someones broken heart you dont have to be a masterpiece to be a work of art so open up your eyes see the beauty in everything focus on the love and that beautiful energy forgive yourself and every enemy love everyone because everybody fights a battle nobody else can see everybody knows how scary the dark can be in the mirror hating everything you see but you are loved the falls that we take become the poems we create if we all stood together we could stand for something great nobody is perfect everybody can relate the masterpiece begins when we choose love instead of hate so if your hurting and alone, and this pain is in your soul then i want you to know that you are beautiful youre absolutely perfect just the way you are and i love you. youre a godamn work of art.
11.
Another long night of chasing dreams cuz these dreams aint chasing me. one more trip around the moon and i hope i dont fall down to soon. time flys when your on the run i cant remember what im running from i end up back at the start and i realize just how far ive come but sometimes i swear ive seen the weeping willow smile, and i find that every angel falls once in a while sometimes life needs death to take its breath away some broken hearts beat on, some hearts just get beaten till they break another long night of chasing dreams theses nightmares wont leave me be. one more trip around the moon and i hope i dont come down too soon. times flys when your on the run the tick tock clock hands loading up that gun something cant be outrun, Old Man Grim shakes hands with everyone

credits

released February 28, 2020

Soloman Crowe, Benny Maskatah, Dustin Hart, Christian Dane Doering, Devin Stanaway, Miles Knox, Michael Magee

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Soloman Crowe St. Louis, Missouri

My name is Soloman. I write songs and then do my best to record/perform them. I'm really just kind of winging this whole thing.

My songs are about first hand experiences with addiction, suicide, death, love, life, hope, mental illness, heartbreak, etc

My only goal is to express myself authentically through my songs in hopes that someone out there can relate and feel less alone than I do.
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